Beautiful Stranger
I’d booked to go to Brighton only a couple of weeks ago on a last minute “fuck it” impulse. The aim was to see one of my very favourite bands, Turin Brakes, on their new album (Spacehopper) tour, I’d left it to the last minute to get tickets and when I failed to procure them via their Facebook fan page for the Bristol date, I mentioned I’d be up for the Brighton date as my late brother Eric used to live and work in Brighton and it was somewhere I’d never been but always wonde
Nobody Knows Me
Bias, kindness, and the courage to listen with an open mind. In 2003 Madonna created a song called “Nobody knows me.” It’s lyrics always stayed with me; part defiance, part truth. Because no-one person knows the complete story of anyone do they? They see fragments, make judgements, and build whole narratives out of their own projections. I’ve lived most of my adult life in that uncomfortable space between being seen and being understood. Bias isn’t bad, it’s human, but it’s
Something to Remember
A day in the life of …. It’s was 5.15pm on Sunday afternoon when I finally sat down for the first meal of my day. Two pork chops and two...
Living for Love
To say I've got a LOT of issues around LOVE is probably the understatement of the decade! Knowing what I know now about my own true self, which, by the way, is a continuous car crash of discovery, I can only make comment based on what I know right now at this point in my journey. Today, it felt like a good time to share something that's dominated my mind for too long, about a five-year-on-off-relationship I was in that finally ended last July (2024). I know my close friends s
Hung Up
Tick tock tick tock tick tock........time goes by so slowly as the song goes, but actually it really goes too fast in some ways. I can't...
Causing a commotion
I’ve just got off a teams meeting with a top chief in the Welsh Police and totally buzzing - probably because I still can’t believe where this journey is taking me. The conversations I’m having and the sheer potential of the impact of this work (Co-alc) is mind-blowing to me at the moment. I think it was yesterday or the day before that I suddenly came to a realisation that what I’m working towards is literally groundbreaking. I didn’t realise when I started this journey what
Broken
I'm really struggling today, so I thought I'd try and write it out. You see, yesterday I had a relatively good day as I attended the annual Mental Health Wellbeing Show in Cardiff where I shared a stand with the Jacob Abraham Foundation who fund my Co-alc role. I always enjoy these awareness days, being out amongst the folk - spreading the word and talking to people who really connect to what we're doing. It's also a great opportunity to catch up with friends I've made over t
Just a dream?
It's Friday, 3rd February 2023 at 9.30am, and I'm sat on my bed waiting for my tea to cool down before I drink it and contemplating the weekend ahead. I’d shared a post last night on Facebook saying I was going to The Dreaming retreat - I can’t believe the day is finally here after it being postponed from two weeks ago. Apparently we’re the first intake of retreat guests so it’s probably going to be as much of a new discovery to them as it will be to me. ‘Them’ being the inc
Drowned World
Understanding self determination and the mind of someone who's feeling suicidal. Firstly if you are feeling suicidal right now, please know there ARE people who understand, like the Samaritans, Papyrus and CALL helplines which will all be at the end of this post. I also understand, very much. I have attempted to take my own life in the past, and lost my beloved niece. I've also been in extreme emotional distress (crisis) on many occasions and actually, if I'm being brutally h
Who's this girl?
I've been quite lost for a while now - it didn't happen all at once, I just kinda lost a bit here, lost more there. You'll probably find...
Confessions
It's been a while since my last post but I thought it was worth a general update on my goings on for anyone interested! I have a 35-year employment history spanning 30 (that I can remember) paid jobs. I’ve pretty much had a go at most things, starting out in sales and marketing and found I was good at using a computer (despite flunking my computer studies CSE in school). That led me to become an intuitive desk top publishing operator and despite not being able to draw, was ac
Swim
... in the Rain? Have you seen the new craze of dipping in cold water? They’re even calling it Therapy! It’s been really popular around here where I live the South Wales Valleys in some beautiful spots at the bottom of waterfalls and rock pools. Honestly, I’d LOVE to have a go at it and I know I’d probably love it because I love being in water. Sadly my brain probably won’t allow that, not even if it was a heated pool - it’s not about the cold or being scared of the water or
Nothing Fails
Mental Health Week's Theme is Kindness But, what does that really mean and how can we be more kind? So, I'm on a bit of a downer today and there's a few reasons why.... firstly, I've just launched the digital version of See Say Signpost campaign and despite it being met with lots of enthusiasm and praise, for me it's been a coping tool, something to focus my mind on during all the madness happening around us. And, now that I've gone as far as I can with it at the moment, I ki
Inside of Me
Written for Mental Health Awareness Week theme on Body Issues I’ve written many articles on my mental health struggles, but this theme is...
What it feels like for a girl
As it's International Women's Day today, I wanted to share some thoughts and perspective on my current mind set, or as my recently realised new heroine and girl crush, Jane Fonda , calls her 'third act'. I never really understood what all the fuss what about being a 'feminist' or women's liberation for way too long as I pretty much took it for granted that I was able to vote, and work alongside men, to walk into bars or cafes alone. I mean, I did face quite a few obstacles bu
Keep it Together
Suicide can be prevented: TRIGGER WARNING This morning I attended a final preparation meeting for a very significant event I have the privilege of being involved in on Thursday. It's being organised by the Cwm Taf Mental Health Partnership Board's sub committee for Suicide and Self Harm Prevention, on which I am currently serving as a Service User Representative. It comprises other reps from lived experience background alongside prominent members from the public & local healt
Reinvention
The Mindarium Journey I have diagnosed mental health conditions, including Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD), it’s also known as Emotionally Unstable Personality Disorder (EUPD). Although there's no clear reason why some people develop this condition, it’s thought to stem from childhood trauma, which in my case could be attributed to my dad dying when I was 12 years old and moving away from my childhood home. It could also be down to genetics or learned behaviour as I’ve
